Layoffs

Some people at work left today for good. I didn’t feel good about what happened and it bothered me. It’s still bothering me as I write this.

I don’t think my girl is pissed at me. I hope she isn’t that insecure.

I am playing with fire

Yes I am.

Soy milk is not “I am milk”

Sarah palin is a living stereotype of a stupid stupid woman. She practically proves Borat right and gives credence to people who think women should never have the right to vote.

Sarah palin is so stupid she thought Africa wasn’t a continent

She is so dumb she had trouble knowing the countries in north America.

So glad she lost

Obama better win

America is fucked if McCain takes power.

Just a feeling

The njtransit is delayed again no thanks to amtrak. I am stuck here writing on the iPhone again. Amtrak is a state-run corporation that needs to either fail or be privatized. Too bad there isn’t money to maintain the trains and tracks.

Shopping

This is a test on blogging on the iPhone. I could not get the costume for the Saw movie (either one of them). So I settled on a convict jumpsuit.

Enjoy life they say. I am not letting the financial meltdown get to me. I hate waiting on people. New jersey seems so unsophisticated compared to New York

There are some days…

There are some days where I just want to scream and then there are days where everything is going great.  Today is one of those days that is somewhere in between.

I still can’t believe that bitch had the nerve to email me for a fundraiser walk even after I made it clear I am not planning on talking to her again. She led me on, took me for granted, flaked out, and withheld information for her benefit.  I wound up losing some opportunities to spend time with others for that woman.  Now, I get the occasional reminder of what I missed out and sometimes it does bother if not hurt me.

That night at the botched open bar was just unpleasant.  I was upset over being led on, the low turnout, the prospect of returning to Quebec, and suspecting the worst in missing out.  I pushed the self-destruct button on myself and it frankly scared the crap out of my co-workers.  One of them thinks I am francophobic while the other thinks I am unstable.  Either way its not good.

Right now, I am not sure if I am dating or just hanging out with some girls.  I can relate better to one but she seems to be at that “party/boozing” phase of her life while the other is cute but seems a bit unhappy and looking for security at that point of her life.  I think I may become good friends with one while the other could be pulling my string (though I hope its not the case).

I should stop going to these meetups.  Most of them are populated by girls in their late 20s or early 30s and mostly filled with strange guys.  Sunday’s meetup was no exception.  It too bad I didn’t get too much time to talk with people I had intended to spend time with and that may work against me.  Maybe I am overanalyzing the situation and I may be one of the more normal guys at that meetup.

I need to go out.  This surbuban lifestyle is stifling.

To the floor

I am not terribly nostalgic, yet sometimes the past does come up.  On one hand the past is way to remind people how much has changed and for some it’s a way to express displeasure at the current situation.  I did see nostalgia as a way to express my frustration at my current situation at one point, and now it’s more a way to remind myself that things are better overall than the past.

While browsing around, I found I still have the old website from the 2001 Governor’s School of International Studies programme online.  For those who don’t know the Governor’s School of International Studies was a state-sponsored summer programme that selected 100 high school students to attend a one-month programme at a state university before their final year of high school.  Most of the kids who were accepted were either rich kids, or top students in the areas of social studies with a multicultural background.

I later learned from one of my colleagues, that the Governor School kids who were at her college were perceived to be rich kids.  Well, I can say that I wasn’t a rich kid, and I was selected because I was a top student in my area and for having a “diverse background”.  Most of the classmates I spent time with were actually top students with diverse backgrounds as opposed to the rich kids who attended private academies that had a fencing clubs, summer homes, electric violins or pure Anglo-Saxon protestants who can directly trace their ancestry to the original American colonists.

The one-month programme had us staying in Quebec City for about a week to learn about their provincial history and the Quebec Separatist (Nationalist) movement.  The next four weeks after Quebec were dedicated to taking international studies courses and doing virtual Model United Nations-like debates.  The final week had our classes conducting a Model United Nations debate in the United Nations conference room.  Overall, I did have a good time in Governor’s School and I made some close friends who I still speak with to this day.

I learned years later that thanks to Jon Corzine, the Quebec trip has been eliminated, the programme now requires qualified applicants to pay tuition if they choose to attend, and some courses were cut.  The only thing that hasn’t changed are the increasing number of rich kids participating in the programme, since they are the only ones who can afford it thanks to Corzine’s changes.

That was a fun summer and it was nice to be able to pad my transcript and LinkedIn with that programme.  It’s also nice to know that I was one of the 100 people who were actually selected by the State to attend the programme against the thousands of students who applied.

Some Model Minorities and rich kid in my school applied to the programme.  The social studies department screened out everyone but me and this other kid.  We were then submitted to the country for the selection process and I made it along with 9 other kids from the country.  After that, I was selected with the other kid from my high school to form the class for the 2001 Governor’s School of International Studies.

Not surprisingly, I won the Social Studies Department award from my high school, which seemed to piss some people off.  I think one Model Minority harboured a petty grudge against me as he felt he was entitled to the departmental award as he was a top student who was accommodated by the administration.

I later learned from a good friend that I was heavily disliked during high school ranging from Model Minorities who felt I shouldn’t be taking honours classes with them, to these bratty Indian kids who thought I ratted out one of their friends (It was Jeff but I took the heat for him), to a few jocks who felt I ruined the curve for them.

Yes, that high school gave me some mixed experiences and most of the people I knew were quite were quite pathetic in hindsight.  The others who I have mended fences with or those who I am generally in good terms with are not an issue.  So no one should honestly expect me to attend a high school reunion where I get to see some former classmates relive their “glory” days or brag about their past successes instead of living in the present and working towards a future.

So I went to celebrate one of my friend’s 21st birthday last night and it’s safe to say he had a celebration.  I won’t go into details but there are pictures that provide bits and pieces of his night.

Enough of that.

So I am back to dating.  One girl seems to be interesting but is busy from what I can see.  The other seems a bit off and I’ll figure out where I want to go when I meet her again.  Maybe I should start going to more social events instead of just sitting around at home in New Jersey.

There is much uncertainty to where I am at the moment.  I am advised to save money and not go get an apartment in light of the escalating recession.  At the same time, I am getting sick of staying in New Jersey and having my activities limited by the train schedules and the brutal commute home.  Besides, I am not the type of guy who really enjoys living under monotonous routines since it makes me feel like I am wasting my life and bores me.

Just a slow Tuesday night

I honestly am reluctant to write despite having many things on my mind.  I finally went out with the girl after nearly 3 months of her either disappearing or flaking out at the last minute.  The date was us mostly talking about random topics and ending with a hug.  She really has a bad habit of not responding to emails and sometimes I feel I am dealing with corporate HR when corresponding with her.  She has a French boyfriend and I have been led on.  This is just wrong.

I hate being played.

I planning to host a free open bar after winning a drawing for such a party.  I just need to remember to call the people tomorrow to get things going.  I am planning on sending out evites to around 80 people and I am expecting no more than 1/4th of the list to actually show up with some guests.

Asian-American issues: where do I start?  As of the past 3 months, I have not had any major Asian-American issues with the exception of one ignorant nurse who remarked that “Asians should not drink” when I was brought to Bellvue for alcohol poisoning during one wild night out.  I honestly do not believe her remarks were out of pure racism but out of ignorance based on stereotypes from the media.

I can spend hours writing about how I was offended and mad, but it really does nothing to change the situation.  There are Asian-American pressure groups that work to prevent and correct such nonsense but they are mostly based in California and possibly Hawaii even though the problems are all over America.  At the same time, these groups are severely fragmented and some of the leading groups are led by individuals who seem to be disconnected with the rest of Asian-Americans.

At this point the only Asian-American involvement from me consists of joining social groups to mingle and meet new people who happen to be Asian or watching the occasional foreign film.

Enough militant Asian-Americans have called on people to support Asian-American media, musicians, and artists, yet few have stepped up.  Is it because these individuals are not up to snuff? Or is it because people have moved on once the hype ended?  I think it is a bit of both.  Many Asian-American personalities tend to become overdependent on using their ethnicity to build up their core support instead of working as individuals to cultivate their craft.  Some exceptions to this are George Takei, Don Ho, Kal Penn, and John Cho.

Asian-American support is only as good as the product itself.  We can have a “Shanghai Kiss” which is a watered-down version of “The Lover”, but generated massive hype from the filmmakers outreach to Asian-Americans and for Hayden from “Heroes” as a lead character.  To be honest, the movie was not that great, but all the massive hype due to its Asian-American nature made it seem like it was on par with “Citizen Kane”.

On the other hand, the television movie “Farewell to Manzanar” with its ensemble cast of Japanese-American and Asian-American characters were able to tell a dramatic tale of WW2 Japanese internment and how it effected a family.  I recommend people to read the novel that the movie is based on.

In her autobiographical novel Farewell to Manzanar (1973), Jeanne Wakatsuki Houston writes about her family’s experiences at Manzanar, a internment camp in California‘s Owens Valley where Japanese Americans were imprisoned during World War II.[2] The novel was adapted in to a television movie in 1976, starring Nobu McCarthy, who portrayed both Houston as well as her mother in the film.[3]

In an effort to educate Californians about the experiences of Japanese Americans who were imprisoned during World War II, the book and the movie were distributed in 2002 as a part of kit to approximately 8,500 public elementary and secondary schools and 1,500 public libraries in California. The kit also included study guides tailored to the book, and a video teaching guide.

Asian-Americans should be supporting movies or literature like the above instead of playing the race card in promoting relatively generic works.   I don’t understand why there has been a lack of proper adaptations to such films despite the body of work from Asian-American writers.  I was disappointed when people did not support Jin but I was glad that people were giving support to actors like John Cho and Kal Penn in whatever films they were in.

I am around

It has been a while since I wrote in this site.  Well, it looks like I did break up with the girl and I think there may be some bitterness on her end.  I put her on limited profile just in case since I really don’t need an angry or bitter ex on my back.

In work, they finally got me a desk and a computer so I can actually start working on-site after two months of waiting.  It’s really not that glamorous but the pay stubs remind me of what I am working for.  Now it is just taking time to adjust to the commute and learning to know my co-workers in the office.

There are days where I feel I am free after being single and then there are days where I missed the good times.  The challenge is just getting back into the rat race after investing so much time into a failed relationship.  I was sad, I am a bit worn, and I am still figuring out my way in this thing.

My good friend got married and I am happy for them.  Now, I need to find an apartment after my vacation in September.

Its going to be a pain visiting Montreal and I need to prepare myself for any surprises along the way.  It’s funny seeing my then-father’s hotel go bust from mismanagement and then prospering after it was sold to Days Inn and revamped into the Days Inn Hotel in downtown Montreal.

The only evidence of the old Hotel Furama is the Restaurant Lotte in the hotel. He spent all that time mismanaging the hotel with his hag at the expense of neglecting his family.  This is all his damn fault.  The Montreal riots from this morning and the weekend really reminded me why I am better off in America.